My Husband and I Fold Our T-Shirts Differently

Read the blog to learn why I have captioned this photo as "Exhibit A"

It's been about two weeks since I wrote my last blog so I have been meaning to write one sooner. When I started my blog back up I said I was going to make it a weekly thing. I got about three blogs in before I broke that promise. It is so hard to keep promises sometimes, even small ones I make to myself.

The past week I have been trying to think of what my next blog will be about. In my previous ones I have written a lot about my chronic disorder I was diagnosed with at the beginning of this year. That diagnosis has majorly defined a lot of my experiences and lessons I have learned in 2017. However, I wanted to take a break from that area of my life to write a little about another major thing that has defined 2017 -- my marriage.

I think 99.99999% of you know J and I were married on August 18th because I gushed about it all the time in person and on Facebook and I am still currently gushing about it. I have done everything short of taking an ad out in the paper.

Today is November 19th so yesterday we made it to our third month of marriage. On a major timeline I know that marker would be basically inconsequential, but based off of how things have gone so far and what we have heard from other married couples, I feel like the first year of marriage will pack a lot of learning about myself, J, and us as a couple into it.

Since June I have been unemployed. I left my job to focus on getting better and fully healing. When I left I thought I would be on a relaxing break, but in between wedding planning, being newly married, moving apartments, medical stuff, some volunteering, family visits, travel, and keeping my home running smoothly I have stayed pretty busy. I never imagined myself feeling busy staying at home. When J and I got married it felt as though I got a little more busy since I was now doing the cooking and cleaning for myself and one other person. I try not to imagine how busy I will feel when children are factored into the equation.

Out of love for my husband, I try my best to make sure he comes home from work to a clean house. I think it can be therapeutic after a long day in the office to see our home is not looking like a tornado ran through it.

A couple of days ago J and I were going out and he was looking for his LSU Tigers t-shirt (Exhibit A). I knew it was in his t-shirt drawer because there were no clothes in the hamper; I spent all day doing laundry. I was in the bathroom ready to take a quick shower before we headed out when J called to me, "Where is my Tigers shirt?" I responded back, "Somewhere in your t-shirt drawer" I showered, got dressed, and we headed out. In the car he said, "The way you folded my shirts I can't see what's on the front of them so I grabbed my Tigers shirt a couple of times and didn't realize it." That's a totally not harmful comment explaining why he had called to me in the shower, right?

Wrong.

I felt the steam coming out of my ears before I could even catch myself.

"Instead of 'critiquing' me why can't you just say thank you I folded your shirts at all?"

My very calm and practical husband didn't even know what hit him.

He is an engineer so he has to be thorough and exact, he has to regulate people and permits, and he has to give detailed reports of things ALL.THE.TIME. He was just reporting what happened with the t-shirt.

But, some men have to fold their shirts themselves!

I have taken that task completely off his to-do list!

I spent the day doing laundry!

He has no right to regulate how I fold the t-shirts!

You know when your emotions have gone down a rabbit trail and they suddenly take a sharp left turn...

That was me on this car ride.

J didn't know his comment accidentally triggered on an emotional landmine.

I don't think I ever said the words, "I am sorry" to my husband for my outburst. J, I love you and I am sorry for snapping at you about the t-shirt. I really do care about this man so much even though my outbursts don't provide good evidence of it.

I sometimes find myself longing after marriage at a younger time in my life. I always get a little jealous of people who say they married young. I get jealous of the people who went straight from their parents home to their married home, not just because I would have liked to have more time with my spouse, but also because I think it is a little easier. Now I know that's a lie. Every marriage is hard work no matter how or when you go into it. But it is a different experience to be a single adult and run your own home, finances, and lifestyle as a grown person and then get married and now have to integrate someone new into "the way things are". Especially if the other person already has their system too. J and I both had our grown lifestyle for a few years. We fold our laundry differently, load the dishwasher differently, we even get rid of the grease the ground beef makes in the pan differently.

So why did the t-shirt throw-down happen? Why did I act out over a small situation where I could have been flexible and considered maybe my husband has a point and not chew his unsuspecting head off?

It's a one word answer -- pride. My pride wanted a thank you for my hard work, my pride didn't want my system to be challenged, and my pride didn't want to admit maybe he had a valuable insight. It can be a little exhausting sometimes but I think it is really important to unpack situations like this. Especially if I have allowed my emotions to spiral into another dimension and dictate my response to a situation.

Throughout Scripture the sin of pride is addressed, but it is talked about a lot in Proverbs. In Proverbs 13:10 NIV it says,

"Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice."

The author of Proverbs was King Solomon. King Solomon was best known in Scripture for his wisdom. When he was a young king the Lord appeared to him in a dream. The Lord asked Solomon what he wanted and his request was "an understanding mind" (1 Kings 3:9) a.k.a wisdom. He could have asked God for anything, but he made the choice to ask to be wise so he could be a good ruler over his kingdom. That is pretty cool to me and it sounds like, maybe, he was little wise to start.

I don't think it is a coincidence one of the wisest men ever to live constantly spoke to the sin of pride. He understood what a big problem pride is in the hearts of people and how it can influence situations negatively. It's a sin that spins a web of other sins. Take my situation: I let my pride dictate my response to my husband, my pride turned to anger, and then I took my anger out on my husband all in a split second. It would have been good for me to apply a verse like Proverbs 13:10 to J's comment before I got myself wound up.

We are in month three of marriage so we are trying our best to learn, but also to give ourselves grace. Even though there have already been days where acclimating to our new life together is super tough we are both enjoying it so much and look forward to many more months and eventually years together as husband and wife.

For those who have been married a while, what was one of the biggest lessons you learned in the first year of marriage?

For those who are not married, how are you refining yourself right now for marriage if that is something you want in the future?

For those who don't want to answer either question let me know what you thought about today's blog just be nice or my pride might force me to snap -- kidding!

Drop a comment on the blog or Facebook with your answer. I will read it and relay what y'all have to say to J and I am sure we will have a session where we discuss some of what everyone shares and how we can apply it.