Giving Up an Engagement to Receive a Marriage

When I look at the photos from our wedding I get so emotional. I get emotional because it was a beautiful celebration of something long awaited for both my husband and myself, but also because the previous year I was in the middle of an Abraham moment. 
I had just come out of an engagement I had broken off. The relationship I was in was on the track I wanted it to be so I stayed, but I was not sure this was who God had called me to. However, I had been out of college for some time. My job was paying well. I had my own place. I was dating someone I was with longer than a year. We were both Christians and we were "not just dating for fun". I felt we were ready to take the next logical step in adulthood - be married. All the while I felt uncertainty about us as a couple. Although this person was kind and loved me, I knew our dreams in life did not align. His aspirations were much different from mine. His career would interfere with our family life often and I knew that would be painful to me in the long run. In our discussions of marriage, I would feel a prick on my heart this wasn't the right direction for the two of us. Regardless of my doubt, we ended up engaged. I was ready to be married, but it wasn't what God wanted. God wanted me to sacrifice my dream of marriage to Him. It took me about four months to make the decision to listen. Breaking off that engagement was one of the most painful things I have and probably will ever do. It was heartbreaking for myself, the other person, and our families. I waffled in my decision for so long because I was scared of the heartbreak it would cause and the loneliness I would face. Despite those things, I laid the relationship down. 
A mentor of mine once taught me to look to biblical characters as our "faith siblings" These are the people we look to as examples on what to do or what not to do as we walk in faith with Christ. As I grieved my broken engagement, the Lord put Abraham on my heart. He reminded me of the story of testing Abraham's faith in Genesis 22 1-14 (NIV). Scripture says,

"1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied. 2 Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.” 6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together,7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.

“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

8 Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together. 9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

11 But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied.

12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”"

In verse 2 it says, "Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain." What I learned from Abraham was this: He had a willingness to trust in God's dream for him more than he trusted in his own dreams. I can't imagine the shock waves that must have been sent through Abraham when he heard God's plan through the angel of the Lord to sacrifice Isaac.

Like Abraham, when I laid my dreams on the altar I was able to move into the next phase of God's plan. Not too long after my broken engagement, I began dating my husband. Together we have walked through the pain of our past relationships and a diagnosis of my chronic illness. Through all this, I have never seen my husband waver in his love for me. On days when I was hurting from emotional baggage and on days when I couldn't leave my bed, debilitated from my sickness, my husband has cared for me. The Lord had a bigger dream for my marriage than I did. He knew I would need someone who already had the experience of dealing with a loved one who was sick. He knew I would need someone with career flexibility to help me get to appointments and treatments. 

My encouragement for others would be to trade in the dreams God has already said are not a part of his plan for you. Make the decision to put it on the altar. If you can't see how God is going to reconcile your story, stay trusting that he will take you to a place of provision.