Birthday Blog and Lessons

Today I turn twenty-seven years old. A few birthdays ago, one of my friends asked me "what did you learn this year?" When she asked me that question I wasn't prepared because birthdays are about presents and not life lessons, right? I don't remember exactly what I answered, but I do remember her question. I have made it a new birthday tradition to take some time to reflect on that question, what I have learned, and experiences I have gained throughout the year. As I sit here typing this I think of the experiences in year twenty-six - getting engaged again, work, leaving a job, unemployment, illness, diagnosis, wedding planning, wedding, marriage. This year has been packed.
Sometimes I feel as though I have managed to squeeze more experiences into this year than should be allowed in a 365 day period.
As most of my friends and family already know, I was diagnosed with a chronic disorder back in January. At the time of my diagnosis I was in desperate condition. My primary care physician didn't understand what was wrong with me and after seeing blood test results decided I needed special attention. At which point she referred me to three different specialists. In a matter of about a month, my world was flipped upside down. Not only did I have a chronic disorder, but I would also be responsible to take daily medications, be on a restrictive diet, and show up in a doctor's office every eight weeks for an intravenous treatment of medication for the rest of my life. When my gastroenterologist told me I would have to do the IV treatments every eight weeks for life I cried so hard. On my way home from that office visit I stopped at the store. When I was checking out at the register the cashier said "How are you?" and tears streamed down my face as I choked out the words "I'm okay."
Since then, I have come to terms with my treatment. I even look forward to it now because I know my body needs it to function properly.
If all that wasn't enough, I also got engaged for the second time. Although being engaged to an amazing man who loved me was a joyous thing, it was also a heartbreaking time for a while. Initially, I received criticism for "being engaged again" People questioned my motives, people didn't believe I would follow through, people made judgements. I even had some friendships suffer as a result. Thankfully my fiancé, and now husband, is a patient and kind man who is not moved or swayed by outside opinion. Me, on the other hand, will live or die by another person's words. One of my top love languages is words. I recycle them a million times. My prideful tendencies keep me from showcasing the hurt, but it was there as we went through our season of engagement, and sat heavy in my heart.
During my reflection on the past year, the Lord reminded me of a psalm from David. In his life, David experienced a broken friendship with Saul. Saul watched David with a jealous eye and hate began to manifest in his heart as a result. He wanted to kill David and for that reason David had to run from Saul. David's world was in a tailspin. He had gone from being a guest in the king's court to being a fugitive on the run. Psalms 27:4-7 (NIV) says,

"4 One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me."

As I read through that passage I was reminded of Hurricane Harvey which happened about a month ago now. When J and I were on our way back to Houston from our honeymoon in New Mexico we did not realize we would be coming home to a catastrophic event. Thankfully our physical belongings were not touched by the flood, but we were hurting and scared along with our affected community. For a week we were glued to the couch watching the news and people being evacuated. They were being taken to shelters away from the torrential downpour. The Lord impressed on my heart the images and video footage of people sitting on rooftops waiting to be rescued. 

In verses 5-7 it says, "For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted." We are living in a world where we are susceptible to devastating situations and in those moments it is time to seek out the presence of Jesus to keep our head and heart above the pain and hurt of what is going on around us.

This year I have learned what it means to seek out higher ground. If I stand in rising flood waters waiting to drown, I am not acting like a citizen of heaven. My dwelling place should not be a place of hurting. I need to make active choices to release painful situations. When I am hurting I have a direct line to the presence of Jesus through prayer. He has given me people I can appeal to for prayers. He has given me his Holy Spirit as a guide. Through those things He is taking me higher, despite what I am going through.